Crazy as a Loom

Monday, October 27, 2014

I'm here.

I've been asked a couple of times why I haven't blogged lately.
Today walking Roy by the river, I thought about that.



I don't like to admit it, but my life is wrapped around my headache.  Or my headache is wrapped around me.  I try to ignore it, but it's true.
So to blog, I either have to talk about it, which is nauseating, even to me. 
Or pretend that my life is something that it purely isn't.
And that's not really my style.
You knew that, right?




Every day is arranged according to my head.  I wake up, and for the first minute or so, I am still, trying to assess how bad it is.  Am I going to be able to get up and jump in the shower, and meet my day head on?  Or am I going to slink down to the kitchen, make some coffee, and curl up in the corner of the sofa, and wait for it to settle down?


Sometimes, my headache is quite calm, considering.  Those days, I whip around much like my old self, and get tons of things done.  I forget about it.  That is the most joyful day.....to just freaking forget about it for awhile.
Other days, it is medium bad. I function, but it's hard to think.  Imagine putting a brick on your forehead, and then having someone tell you to not think about the brick.
Impossible, friends.  Just impossible.  I try to act "as if" everything is normal, and I proceed pretty much that way.  Only someone who knows me would notice the "look" on my face.  Pained probably.  Grimacing, likely.  I make mistakes.    I forget things.   I tell Lois to "watch me"......tell me if I am off track.
She's getting good at it.



Other days, it just plain sucks, and there is no going about my business as normal.  I do bare minimal, and just aim to get through.  Luckily, those days do not monopolize my life.  But when they come back to back,  it is hard to keep my good thoughts coming.

My neurosurgeon says it's my sinuses.   My ENT says it might be, but more likely is my Chiari issue.
The bottom line is no one knows what is wrong with my head, only that there surely IS something wrong with my head.  Nobody really wants to take responsibility for it now.

I am mostly intent on living my life, one way or the other.  I dream of it being gone, but the reality, hard as it is, is that it is quite present, 24/7, for three years now, but who's counting.

Oh, yeah.  I am.



I am still hopeful.  Like the sun coming up in the morning, seems nothing can prevent me from it.
In the midst of my most awful days, I refuse to give up on the possibility that this insanity will end.

I still spend time with my family and friends, I still knit and weave and walk Roy and bake and cook, and do all the things I love to do. 
I am still grateful, as crazy as that sounds.



There are so many things.
Roy snoring on the couch beside me.  A beautiful, sunny fall day.  Weaving at the loom, hypnotized by the rhythm of my shuttle.
Playing match box cars on the floor with my sweet baby Dale.
Sleep and my ability to sleep, no matter how bad the headache.  I am so thankful for that respite.  Sometimes I think that has saved me throughout all of this.
My family, my friends.  
A glass of wine and a pizza on Friday night with DH.


My studio,  with its golden light streaming through wavy glass, old pine pitch floors tread by so many before me, where I feel more at home than anywhere else.

 I still have my life, and what a gift it is.
Who said it had to be fair? or pain free?  That's just something we have come to expect, quite
unrealistically.


Crazy as a Loom is still here, and so am I. 
We're not done yet.



Life goes on, even when it's hard.
I figure it's up to me to make the very best of it.






Saturday, October 18, 2014

Vacay

Finally, a little break.........







 We did a little driving, but it was worth it.
This is Schoodic Point, in Maine.


The weather was perfect.




The colors were stunning.



It was still busy in Bar Harbor, and there were lots of people in Acadia, but it wasn't as bad as it was in August.
 

I had hoped to be able to have the famous popovers at Jordan Pond House, but they had closed "lunch on the lawn" the day before.




We could have eaten inside.


But who wants to go inside?? 


 It was a little overcast, but still incredibly beautiful.


 So instead, we sat on the lawn, enjoying the view.

 Besides, if we can't all eat inside, then we don't want to go.
We're a pack of three.  We stick together.


Right, Roy???

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

A done deal.

The sale is over, and it was a SMASHING SUCCESS.
 Thanks to my fellow weavers and friends, Lois, Sue, and Kathy, who worked along with me to get ready, and then helped me run the entire sale!!!  I am still in shock how much fabric and thread left the studio.   I think the house breathed a huge sigh of relief.  I know I did.



 Everyone said I should have another sale in the spring, and who knows, maybe I will.


If I do, I will have it from 9-2, because everyone comes at once anyway.


Now I'm ready for a little break.
Just a few days.


 Then it's time for some serious weaving.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Update for all my blogger friends.




So many of you have followed my 3 year journey with this headache.  Yes, it has been three years this month.
From the fall, to the first horrific surgery, to the second and third surgeries, you have been there supporting me and sending me good wishes, and support, at times when I thought I could not do one more day of it.
I have had times.....weeks even....of such a lowkey headache, that I thought I was in heaven, only to be reminded of its power when it came roaring back, putting me on my spot on the couch with Roy, interrupting my life, wreaking havoc with my plans, forcing me to my knees too often for me to count.
I have been angry, sad, mystified.  Why?  Where is this coming from?  My neurosurgeon has read my latest MRI and said it looks terrific (as terrific as a head can look after they have been in there with drills and such THREE times)
So what is going on???
He suggested that I look into my sinuses, or actually have someone else do it.
So off to the ENT I went.  He ordered a CT scan of my sinuses, which I have not received the results for.  He put me on a 5 day course of Prednisone, to see if I got relief.  He said that will tell us if your sinuses are the problem, it just won't tell us why they are the problem.
Well, I just finished the 5 days......and it was lovely.  I had nothing more than a THREE the whole entire 5 days, and even into the 6th.  I found myself thinking and feeling normal things, like I was almost NORMAL.  There is no way to convey the relief that washed over me, even knowing that it might be brief.  I wrapped myself up in it, relished it, dreamed of a future that has seemed almost impossible to imagine.
Last night, before my "presentation" on weaving rag rugs and Crazy as a Loom, at my weaving guild meeting, I realized it was back.  Like a low key hum at first, then louder and louder.
I was so happy to fall into bed when I got home, knowing sleep was the only escape.  This morning, FULL TILT SMASHER right between my eyes, over my forehead, over my nose.

One one hand, I am relieved....maybe this is the answer.  On the other hand, a little voice says, "oh no, what will they do to you now???"

But larger than that is the question, which boggles my mind.......WHEN, dear God, WHEN, did my headache (which has not changed in character......facial from hairline to tip of nose, temple to temple) WHEN and HOW can it be that it went  from my Chiari and basal invagination issue to my SINUSES???

What???   Were both issues there together, and one missed the entire time??  Did one pass the torch to the other, and when?
But looking back to 2011, when this started, I was weaving selvedge on the Union on a sunny, October afternoon, about 8 weeks after my fall.  My headache started, little did I know that it would be with me every day for three years.  At the time I said to L, "this selvedge is bothering my allergies, and giving me a headache."
The nightmare began right there.   What is that saying on my sidebar, " You will never untangle the circumstances that brought you to this moment."

Oh, true words, how poignantly you strike my heart.



Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Looking ahead.

Then............2005........




And now...............




When this sale is over, I'm going to drag my old antique glider over to my new screened porch. I'm going to make a new colorful cover for it.  Put lots of new pillows on it.
Where I can sit with my morning coffee, and listen to Bart crowing over his girls.

Looking ahead is good sometimes.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Hilary on Steroids

Yes, it's scary.  For real.

When I went to the ENT to diagnose some sinus problem OR rule them out as a causative factor of my headaches, he put me on a 5 day course of steroids.
He said if I got some relief, that would tell us a lot.

In the meantime, they do some other things.

They upset my stomach...........yikes.
They keep me awake at night.
And they enable me to be a virtual whirlwind at just about everything I do.
It ain't necesarily pretty.
But oh wow, is it ever productive.

 Here it is...........$1000 egg. 
I'm kidding.  It might be more, or less.  
You know: the chicks, the coop, the run, the automatic door, the feed.


 It does kind of feel like you've given birth.   Two eggs so far.  I see an omelet in my future.



While the steroids, and a good friend, have been instrumental in helping me get ready for the sale,
LOIS has been weaving porch rugs.


Over 600 cones of thread organized and ready for SATURDAY.

d

Wool. Cotton.  Rayon.  And a mixture thereof.

 Today we bagged up grab bags of fabric......5-10 bags, $5-$10 per bag.  WHAT A DEAL! 
I think we bagged up over 500 lbs. 
For all those people who have emailed or messaged me that they live TOO FAR AWAY, it's all going on ebay, or on my web site, or both, as soon as the sale is over.  So you will get a chance.
I am seriously downsizing, folks.  In my minimalist mode.  And loving it.


 And don't forget looms, and warping boards, and so much more.


Now here's the good, if confusing news.   Today is day 4 of the steroids.  Today is also DAY FOUR of a headache that is THREE or LESS.
Can you spell H.E.A.V.E.N?????????
Because it is. 
Speaking of which........here's my angel.
I love her more than words can say.



Friday, October 3, 2014

Living in the country and blatant advertising.

.Today was chicken house cleaning day.  Seems like an awful waste of all those shavings, but I haven't figured out another way to do it.
It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining.  I love October.


 I realized that I mostly just want a simple life.   It doesn't have to be exciting, it doesn't have to cost much.
I just want a simple life in Kingsbury, weaving and getting old, with a headache that's manageable.
Why is that such a feat??

Getting ready for the Sale.......I never realized how much shit  CRAP I have.
I have a LOT.
So pass the word to all your weaver friends.

Crazy as a Loom Weaving Studio is having an Open House, and huge downsizing SALE.
Among the things to go:
Macomber loom, 32", 4 harness, with sectional beam.
Reed Ideal Loom with production wheel, 2 harness, 36"
Cranbrook loom, 4 harness, 60" wide, sectional.
Tapestry loom.
Inkle looms
Warping boards
AVL warp wheel.
fabric rolls,
over 600 cones of thread/yarn
and much more.

Saturday October 11th, 2014 10am-4pm
3835 State Rte 4 Hudson Falls NY
call me 518-747-4147, or email me crazyasaloom@aol.com for more information


 Oh, and there will be refreshments!!!
Welcome to my world.

Because every thread counts

Because every thread counts